The Final Choice

I recently lost a friend to suicide—and discovered you can’t really know how you’ll feel about someone taking their own life until you are faced with it.  My responses ranged from confusion to shock to anger to deep sadness, all in the same moment.  I am overwhelmed to think that he was in such a place of suffering that the only way out he could see was to end his life.  Suicide is the final choice and has farther-reaching results than I could have imagined. 

 

In the book, No Time to Say Goodbye; Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One,  Carla Fine  shares her personal story of her recovery from her husband’s suicide and the experiences of many others on the path of healing after a loved one has left them in such a final way.   “The suicide of a loved one reshapes us: Our beliefs and perceptions have been shaken by the deliberate, permanent departure of a person we have cared for, depended on, cherished, and nurtured.” 

 

Fine helped me understand that we must focus on the life of the deceased and on our own life as well, instead of getting so wrapped up in the unexpected ending of death.   I highly recommend it for anyone who has been touched by suicide. 

 

With an increase in suicide rates due to these stressful economic times, it behooves us all to be on alert for the signs and symptoms of depression and know how we can help.

 

Choosing Life Balance for Heart Health

I have just returned from speaking at the American Heart Association Go Red for Women Luncheon in Minneapolis and loved their theme:  Your Heart.  Your Choice. Your Story.     Heart disease continues to be the number one killer of women with grim statistics–an amazing one in three will die this year.   What a good reminder not only of the importance of healthy eating and exercise, but of the remarkable power that choice plays out in our lives.  Every day we choose how we show up, stand up, and speak up, from what we eat to how many times we say yes when we’d really prefer to say no.  As I did with my Minneapolis participants, I’m going to ask you to try committing to one choice regarding your life balance today.  Keep it simple and specific–anything from taking a walk or making an appointment with your doctor to learn your numbers to just taking 10 minutes to stop and indulge yourself with doing nothing. 

 

Happy Valentines Day to You

Even as the economy crumbles, today’s relatively tame Valentine’s Day celebration is expected to generate some $14.7 billion in retail sales in the United States!  WOW!  Caught up in another high-consumer holiday and inundated with hype from jewelers, florists and confectioners, it’s easy to forget the real meaning of Valentine’s Day: to express our love.  Whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not, it’s a good to time to remember that we can’t express our love fully to someone else until we fall in love with ourselves, because you can’t give what you don’t have.  Coming from a place of self-love enables you to love someone else more deeply and abundantly.  So ask yourself how you can be your own valentine today—and then write your love letter or invest in some chocolate just for you. 

Can we really afford to take good care of ourselves in these challenging times of such economic uncertainty?

 

I turned 50 last week.  To many the half-century birthday is a benchmark event, but I really don’t have strong emotions about it, one way or the other.  I’m not particularly depressed that I’m not further along in my life, and I’m not necessarily thrilled to be entering my fifth decade, either.  I just read in fiftyisthenewforty.net that actresses Linda Blair and Emma Thompson, entertainer Marie Osmond, and the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, are all turning 50 this year, too, so at least I’m in good company.

 

Even if I don’t really feel any different, I’ve decided to use this birthday to mark the initiation of my exceptional self-care campaign.  No matter how old you are, in these times of high stress and fear we all need to put self-care at the top of our list.  So even as you are looking to cut back, tighten up, and do more with less, I am going to ask you to prioritize your self-care.  Keep your gym membership, your dentist appointment, and your professional organization membership.  Now more than ever, we need to do everything we can to get the support we need physically, emotionally, and spiritually to take good care in these challenging times.  

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Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist

As many of you know, I recently moved into my dream home, a 100 year old Denver Bungalow.  I have been having a ball decorating, organizing, and rekindling a real passion I have-entertaining. 

 

One problem.  I love entertaining and I hate housecleaning.  And, when you are a recovering perfectionist and forget that cleaning, decorating, and making vegetarian lasagna all takes more than an hour, the result is a lot of self-induced stress.  My first dinner party was nothing short of-well rather long as the food wasn’t ready, the wine wasn’t cold, and we never did quite get the fire going…

 

Something had to give, either the entertaining or the housecleaning because I found it impossible to get both in, at least right now.  So I let go of having to dust, scrub, and shine every nook and cranny of my 100 year old house and relaxed the white glove standards I wanted, but didn’t have time or energy to pursue.   

 

And guess what?  Everyone had a good time anyway, especially me.  The meal was on time, the wine was chilled and the hostess was present and rested, instead of exhausted.  Just another opportunity to let go of what doesn’t serve….  

The Yogi Lifestyle

I recently spent three days at the 2008 Yoga Journal Conference in Estes Park, and it was nothing short of an amazing and inspirational weekend.  Not only did I get to experience the wisdom and heart of such phenomenal yoga teachers as Seane Corn, Shiva Rea, and Judith Lasater, I also got to be in the presence of 1,000 other yogis, all there to expand, explore and experience the practice and lifestyle of yoga.

Besides learning how to balance my chakras and stick my handstand in the middle of the room—no small feats—I gained insight on how yoga transforms my everyday life off my mat.  I’d like to share my biggest takeaways with the hope they’ll help you transform yours:

•  Time is big.  The only way we can get more time in our lives is by taking something out.

•  We are addicted to our tension and we need to detoxify and get rid of what’s not working (relationships, diet, profession, lifestyle).

•  Always look for the good first. 

•  We are here to trust in the universe.

•  Our bodies always express the truth.   

•  It takes four things to completely relax/restore ourselves:

v     Safety
v     Darkness
v     Warmth
v     Quiet

When we take care of our basic needs on the inside, we no longer crave outside sources like sugar, wine or shoes to make us happy!

 

Rock Star Needs Rest

 

Last month, I spoke at the National Speakers Association in New York City where the theme was NSA Rocks!  The whole venue was set-up like a concert, with live rock star performances and interviews.

 

Kevin Cronin, lead singer for REO Speedwagon not only sang his famous hit single, Keep on Loving You,  he also talked about how he would not still be performing and writing songs if he didn’t learn how to take care of himself along the way.  I must say he looked very well cared for in his tight jeans and t-shirt.  And, he was such a totally nice guy, too!

 

I came home pumped up from the convention as always with tons of ideas about how I could be a rock star in the speaking business.  I was also really tired not just from four stimulating days that included speaking, breakout sessions, and networking, I also had a move, wedding, and anniversary all crammed into the week before  I even went. 

 

Having been gone for 5 days, I had lots of work to catch up on, and of course lots of boxes to still unpack, and all those fabulous ideas to implement, and my routine to re-establish and ….Then I remembered what Robin said and took myself right to bed because I know I want to still be performing and writing speeches the next 20 years, and look good in my tight jeans and t-shirt too!

A Change Would Do You Good

Welcome to my new blog!  I am very excited to be a part of the ever-growing online community.  It’s my hope that this site can offer a place for us to share our experiences, ideas and wisdom as we go through the challenges of everyday life. 

Change is difficult, no doubt about it.  We fight it kicking and screaming, because the familiar is always more comfortable—even when it is not serving us.  (As Dr. Phil is fond of saying, “How’s that working for ya?”) 

This month I’m a walking example of the fears and resistance that change can bring to the surface, as I experience a lot of major changes in my own life:  New website, new blog, new brand, and even a new home!  I don’t necessarily recommend you change everything all at once, but I do agree with Sheryl Crow when she sings, “A change would do you good.”  

Things are changing all around us. Gas prices up, businesses closing, home prices dropping, cutbacks and down-sizing in virtually all job markets.   Many people have told me they think twice now before they jump in their cars and drive across town for something.  And I know other entrepreneurs who are taking a new long-term look at their businesses, deciding if they need to redefine or reinvent themselves in response to these uncertain times.   My own updated website reflects my belief that the need for life balance is even greater in this unpredictable economy. 

Maybe a change would do you good.  What changes have you made in these uncertain times?  What changes do you want to make?  I look forward to hearing from you!